Agencia de detectives del barrio chino

Gnawcodile

I feel like I’m starting out quite mean, because the Gnawcodile really doesn’t want to initiate a fight if he can help it. These large lads patrol around islands and are not inhalable or beatable — you can only avoid them, but if you swim too close, they’ll chomp on you. Technically, if you run over them with a boat, they’ll be no issue for you, but I feel like Kirby — a literal god — should be able to take on a crocodile.

Shotzo

They’re just guns with legs. I don’t know how they came to be — maybe their mother was a slightly bigger gun — but they are one of nature’s mistakes. The only redeeming thing about them is their cute little legs, but that’s no excuse. Mosquitoes have little legs too, and they suck in every way it is possible to suck.

Mookie

Honestamente, any enemy that’s based on the creepy grimacing monkey-with-a-cymbal toy/torture device can get right in the bin.

Balloon-Meister

I think this may be a personal vendetta, but I hate Balloon-Meister, the bomb-throwing sea lion, more than I imagine most people do.

It’s because I love seals: They’re round and squishy and extremely stupid, and they spend all day lying down on beaches and yelling. They’re fantastic! Sea lions, por otra parte, are weird and shiny and not as squishy. And the thing is, I go to aquariums ready to hang out with the squashy loaves and there’s always a bloody sea lion there, with his massive flippers and lean body, balancing a ball on his nose like that makes it okay. No! It does not!

You are not seals, and I resent you for it.

Mumbie

Mumbies are scary! They follow you around the level with their creepy red eyes and I hate them. I’m sorry, but these guys should go back to their sarcophagi and leave Kirby alone. Their only redeeming feature is that they are round, which is a good shape.

Kabu

It’s hard to feel too bad about murdering enemies that seem like inanimate objects, o al menos, not sentient ones. Kabu is everywhere in the Forgotten Land, and while I feel a little bad for him being used as a filler enemy that’s pretty easy to kill, I don’t feel bad about being the one to kill him. He is a sandcastle.

Poison Croakom

I haven’t fought this guy yet, but he does not look pleasant. He looks like he is angry about the length of a queue, or like he is the kind of person that tells people off for eating bananas in public. También, he is covered in poison. This is the kind of character that would call the police on trick-or-treaters. I hate him.

Spookstep

I have also not fought this guy, but there aren’t many ghost-type pursuing enemies that I’m on board with. Escucha, you’re already dead! Leave me alone, or you’ll get double-deaded!

Sssnacker

You might think, “how bad could a snake be? He is just a snake, and snakes are nice.” I agree with you! Snakes are cool! Pero I think Sssnacker belongs in the E Tier for one reason in particular: DIGESTING THINGS IS *MY* THING. Back off, snakey boy.

Twister

It’s just a bit of wind, Tenía uno de esos cupones de Nintendo Switch eShop para usar? I don’t feel bad about killing the wind.

Big Kabu

Kabu is E Tier because Kabu is a sandcastle with a face. Big Kabu is D Tier because she is a mother to the Kabu (which come out of her mouth). Killing mothers is ethically slightly worse than killing… their children… derecho? Oh goodness.

Digguh

I like moles. This guy is a bit of a scary mole, though — and also, he keeps trying to kill me with his drill. Más, and I’m sorry for saying this, his design isn’t that cute.

Phanta

Another bloody ghost that won’t leave you alone. This one is at least cuter than the others, so he gets bumped up to D Tier.

Tortorner

He’s just a turtle who got stuck in a bit of concrete. I feel a little bad about killing him, mostly because you have to do it by driving a spike into his shell, and then into his soft body, but he started it by trying to bite me.

Totenga

What if a cactus hated you? That’s the question that Totenga poses. I haven’t fought him yet, but I don’t particularly care if he lives or dies, because when I was a kid, a cactus fell into my bed while I was asleep, and I had to pick spikes out of my skin for days. Do not ask questions about why there was a cactus near my bed! CAN A CHILD NOT SLEEP NEXT TO A CACTUS WITHOUT BEING AFRAID?